Monday, February 19, 2007 // 0 replies
Terrorism, Rants and Abridgement
Warning, all content below is fictional. The writer of this blog shall not be held responsible for any legal ramifications.
After looking at jonathan's posts about launching guerilla warfare on the establishment that we all dislike, I am feeling somewhat bored after collecting my hongbaos and have decided to write my own version of it. ok lets begin.
first, the equipment will have to be prepared. maozedong posters, a recording of china national anthem, pictures of the noob in her ghastly slitted cheongsam, holy crosses, leftover barbequed pork and of course our own personal indian will be required. all these equipment will of course be stashed away in the bugatti veyron that has been imported from europe. With specifications such as
0-60 mph: 2.5 seconds (manufacturer estimate)
Top Speed: 240 mph / 386.2 km/h
Engine Configuration: W
Aspiration / Induction: Quad Turbo
Displacement: 7993.00 cc / 487.8 cu in. / 8 L
Valves: 64 valves (4 valves per cylinder)
Horsepower: 987.00 BHP (726.4 KW) @ 6000.00 RPM
Torque: 922.00 Ft-Lbs (1250.2 NM) @ 2200.00 RPM
HP to Weight Ratio: 4.2 LB / HP
HP / Liter: 123.4 BHP / Liter
Bore: 86.00 mm / 3.4 in
Stroke: 86.00 mm / 3.4 in
Compression Ratio: 9.0:1
Fuel Type: Gasoline - Petrol
holy shit will you look at that. 2.5secs of stepping on the pedal and you reach highway speeds, 1k horsepower is no joke either, it will sound like your own private aeroplane. with this godlike mobile, we will have no trouble outrunning those subaru impreza wrx cop cars, not to mention the toyota vans the bangla guards will chase us in. ok so we drive the car up the hill and park at the abandoned busstop, unload the equipment and walk in. however there will be a indian security outpost deterring us, and we had better not mess with these stalwart followers of the dark side and their plan to cause permanent shadowmeld in singapore. remember to shoo their malay sidekicks away with the power of the bagua. if they call in their higher-ranked turbaned counterparts we are so screwed. this is where our indian comes into play. plant the indian at the guard post to distract the guards with endless hours of talking about rotiprata and vishnuism, hopefully enough to carry out our plan. from here we will split into groups.
group turban: as the name suggests, this group is meant for causing disorder and lots of darkness. sneak into the anglican house to prevent those chinamen from disrupting the mission. bring sony ericsson walkman phones and blast the china national anthem at full blast, while sticking maozedongs picture on your face walking in front of their rooms should be enough to keep these pesky parallel imports at bay.
group hallelujah: now this group's objective is simple, to cause as much chaos as possible, and where better to start then by releasing the evil spirits from the clock tower. however there is great risk involved. thus we suggest all members of this faction to carry crosses with them and chant ''oh father i pray, smite the evil ones!'' loudly, while waving the posters of the noob around, this will hopefully terrify them out of their wits and send them on a journey round the whole school, causing all hell to be unleashed.
group shangbo: important yet easy as pie objectives, creep into pa room while dodging the now loose evil ghosts, replace the cd inside the cd player with the live taping of shangbo's breaking free. beware not to play the music and listen to it yourselves, it is rated r21 for horror as your kiddy minds will not be able to tahan the shrieks of a fat china pig. scram immeidiately after objective is achieved
group underwear: proceed to the flagpole and hang a pair of polka dot boxers to it, light a match and then pull it up. remember to take a picture of its glorious underwearish magnificence before fleeing
group e=mc(square): go to the chemistry labs and mix up a solution of sulphuric fumes. remember to wear safety goggles to prevent damaging your eyes. then toss the foul solutions into the fountain to create a pungent paradise which will stink up the whole premises more than a rotting dung, apply theory of diffusion to enable faster spreading of odours.
group toilet rolls: break into all janitor closets and retrieve all toilet rolls for self-use. the solution to our constipation is finally here. take all, leave none.
rendezvous at main gate, get our previously planted indian and rush straight for the bugatti veyron. by then they should have no hope of catching us in their 60km per hour lorries. drive to macdonalds and eat supper before going home to sleep.